Swipe-n-pray
I remember back in the day (I’m talking as late as 2015) when I used to make purchases and I would do the “swipe & pray”. I’d coined the term as me holding my breath, as I made a transaction with adrenaline & anxiety coursing through me like I was in the Hunger Games Lottery.
Through my late twenties, I would regularly find myself crossing my fingers, swiping my card for an item or dinner with friends that I just couldn’t say “no” to. Sometimes I felt embarrassed that I really couldn’t afford it but pretended that I could. Other times, I was too anxious to actually look at my account because I didn’t want to know the truth.
My anxiety wasn’t so much that I feared my card would be declined as I usually had an idea of what was in my account.
Moreso, I was anxious about which bill would likely be paid late next month in exchange for this brunch with friends. To ease the shame & guilt, I would tell myself that brunch was a mental health expense to make myself feel better nodding my head as the waiter asked if I wanted another mimosa.
Just hearing the word budget made me grit my teeth & I had my head in the sand when it came to money well into my late 20s. Money scared me and I had a bunch of stories about myself that made it easier for me to just wing it, cross my fingers, and hope it would all work out...someday.
These stories took charge of my financial decisions and my emotions generally drove the car when it came to charging, making, and managing money. The most palpable narratives were:
I’m just not good with money.
If I haven’t figured it out by now, it’s probably too late.
I’m a new therapist, I’m supposed to be broke and struggling. I have to pay my dues.
Does the swipe-n-pray sound familiar or resonate with you at all?
Do you ever swipe while...
*Knowing that you are most likely going over your budget (or like a past version of myself What budget?)
*Charging a credit card “promising” to pay it off somehow someway but with no real plan
*Hoping that you won’t regret this emotionally charged purchase later but willing to take the risk
*Fully planning out in your head how you’ll hide this guilty pleasure purchase from your significant other
*Banking on your overdraft and “figure it out later”
The swipe-n-pray came up in a recent chat I had with my good friend and fellow therapist Karen Conlon. We were discussing the many layers of unpacking your relationship with money, how your money beliefs and stories manifest in your daily life and how to begin to take control rather than your money controlling you.
It was such a fun conversation and a topic that Karen and I regularly talk about over drinks, that I nearly forgot we were recording for her podcast, “So, How’s Therapy?”
We were inspired to talk about how money matters because we have discovered that so many people (both in and outside of the therapy room) avoid money talk like it’s COVID-19. Meanwhile, money impacts us daily in how we engage with the world (and ourselves) to a point that it can’t be overlooked.
As money is such a taboo topic, I’m thrilled that Karen & I could cultivate this money-positive conversation while dropping a lot of A-Ha’s that we have discovered both in our clinical work and our personal lives. Yes, we dropped a little bit of tea & self-disclosure.
Have a cup, it’s really juicy.
If you or someone you know struggles with financial anxiety, check out the episode! The podcast also gives you a glimpse of my fun engaging course, “Money, Mindset, & Marriage” which integrates the money mindset AND money management piece helping couples to talk about money with more ease, unpack their money baggage, as well as giving them tangible tools to work towards their financial goals.